I'm tired of people assuming things about me; be it assuming I solely like comic movies or that I'm young and naive. Tired of people giving me the 'oh hun' look as if I'm a complete schmuck. Done with people assuming I'm shy or just plain stuck up. And I'm most definitely tired of people just seeing me as a pretty face.
To be quite frank I'm not shy. I'm reserved and I understand how one can confuse that with being stuck up. But I'm not going to spew out my life story to a complete stranger nor am I going to bother sharing things about myself to someone I barely know. It's not that I don't trust people it's that I like to get to know people a bit more before I allow them to get to know me. It's more of to see if I like them and if they're worth my time or conversation. I know it sounds rude, but I only speak when I feel as though I'll add to a conversation (unless of course I'm with good friends then I just say nonsense). If you won't be real with me then why would I share my life with you? I won't. You can say I have various ladders for different relationships, maybe they're there to climb over the walls I've placed up? Why I have walls up, I don't know but they've done no one any harm.
I have two different ladders:
1.) ladder to being a close friend- stranger, acquaintance, friend, good friend, best friend.
2.) trust ladder just starts of with vibes I get off people so there's no way it starts BUT once you fall down that ladder it's hella hard to get back up. my sister slipped a bit on this ladder and she began crying the moment she know I was close to loosing her trust. I have never seen her cry and look so terrified in my life.
I don't really know where I was going with that but it's midnight and my mind unlocks and wanders. My speech and thoughts become unfiltered and I could care less.
As for the whole just another pretty face thing, I'm done. Tired of people at church just repeating how I'm so beautiful "not just on the outside but the inside too" and that my "beauty draws people to you". Alright that's flattering and all but do you really not see anything else? Maybe I dislike it for it's lack of originality or maybe because it feels like they don't really know me or where my relationship with God lies so they just whip that out- each and every single time. I'm also fed up with guys just being infatuated with my looks, as though they like the idea of me but won't bother to get to know the real me. As if there's nothing but the exterior and the inside is vacant or unimportant. Now I'm not hating on how I look or complaining like "woe is me, i'm pretty" hashtag prettygirlproblems HAH. ew no. I am thankful for who God shaped me to be and as mentioned in an earlier post I honestly love the way I look from my toes to my long hair (even if I want to chop it off at times). I'm just tired of my physical appearance drawing people in and them just stopping at that. It irritates me. It's probably why I'm often single, hearing "you're beautiful" is sweet but it gets rather annoying when that's all you'll say to me. A compliment about my characteristics or morals or ideals is charming and will take you a very very long way.
I'm also tired so I'm going to sleep now.
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