deep thinking

I have the tendency to think, analyze and over think various things and outcomes in my head to the point that it feels like my mind will crash at an any moment with a brain overload. I do a lot of thinking but barely any speaking, especially when it comes to my emotions. I do not why I'm so reserved. In most cases it's a good thing because I don't waste my time on spewing out my thoughts to people when they could careless or trusting people that would walk all over me, I'm grateful neither have occurred to me. On the other hand my struggle to speak up and say what's on mind gets in the way of letting someone know what I'm truly thinking. It's not in fear of what they may think, because it's just my opinion or thought and I don't expect them to agree. It's actually a struggle to grasp onto a thought that hurriedly whizzes through my mind and figure out a way to phrase it in a way that makes sense. My mind does this thing where it jumps from one topic to another to another in a split second which is why I tend to blurt out random things.

          Example would be: say you're speaking about sushi and the texture and then I'll agree/disagree with your comment then what seems to be out of nowhere I talk about how I want to go to Australia but I'm slightly terrified of all the poisonous creatures. Most people give me the "what the..." glare or laugh with a puzzled and amused expression most likely thinking "wow this girl is odd." When really this is what went on in my mind in under a minute: texture of sushi reminded me of the texture of the octopus I tried and how the first encounter with it was quite enjoyable whereas the next one was strange, I find it strange how there's a poisonous octopus smaller than my hand and royal blue with orange spots only located in Australia, Australia has the most poisonous species in a single continent but I still want to go there to see the outback. No joke that conversation has occurred.

Now you get a bit of a glimpse of how fast thoughts travel through my mind, toss in a topic on my emotions or feelings for someone and it's a mess. Forget about trains of thoughts, my thoughts run on the speed of light and my words just fumble together and collide in my mind. I actually zone out thinking of how to phrase a thought and just as it's approaching my tongue another thought crashes into it. So I sit there silently wanting to say so much and in the end saying nothing at all. I wish I could speak the way I write but my thoughts need to slow down several notches. It honestly feels like holding onto a thought is like the scene from Wanted in which the Wesley is asked to snatch the spool as it flies past the fabric and needles. I know eventually he snatches it, I hope to learn to grasp my thoughts and spill them out without making a fool of myself. I'm working on it. It'd also be killer if I curve a bullet and now I'm in the mood to watch Wanted and Fight Club.