whew

So last night went to a friends BBQ with a guy and it was a fun time, made me feel like I was back in Costa Rica at a family get together. Unfortunately the party kinda died the moment the game of dare jenga ended so we kinda sat there awkwardly having small talk then being forced to dance with several young teeny bobbers. After that shindig we decided to head back home but on the way home he decided to watch a movie at his place. Yada yada yada we had a little peck on the lips then silence and then he took me home. I honestly was too tired to think of what occured and passed out once I took my contacts off. Only when I woke up this morning did I realize what happend and started freaking out because well I was positive from our last endevour (picnic on the beach) that there was no chemistry and I was A-ok with that but then got mindfucked from last nights little incident and was debating toughen' up and just asking him or letting it go and be all unsure and awkward. Thankfully my good friend told me to 'rip the bandage off'' and getter done (way to use my advice on me) sooo I sent a text and closed my eyes then began to mutter "oh fucking fucker fuck" and prayed for the best. The wait was almost nauseating. At one point I wanted to get a new phone so I would never know the result but I'm one who needs clarifaction when it comes to these things because I'm clear with them once I grow a pair and speak up. Anywho, thankfully we were both on the same page and I can breath again. Honesty is legit the best policy. No more confussion, no more second guessing, no more mindgames just two friends. A lot lest stressed out now, but I kinda feel guilty about the kiss because of my realization of liking another person... I knew it was dumb but it needed to be done to close that book and happily move on.

 

Now my mind isn't consumed in trying to figure that out and it feels greaaaat. It is, however, from time to time consummed with 'what ifs' about my bestfriend. That can wait, if it's meant to be it will happen; for now single gabbi is a very happy gabbi and rebuilding a solid friendship is more important because I miss telling him everything and seding long messages like we used to before I began dating my previous boyfriend. Anywho that's a whole nother story.

 

Getting things off my chest is so liberating.

 I don't know how people keep all these things to themselves.

I'm not a fan of being eaten away by doubts, assumtions, or possiblities.

 I'd much rather get it over and done with and know.