Go big or or go home?

We've all heard the phrase 'Go big or go home', well in the case of clubbing it should be

'go too big, just go home.'

 Why? Hmmm let me just share some information I'm not at all proud of, nor did I think I would ever be one of those people a couple months ago. Y'all are probably thinking "Huh? What is she talking about?" The last two months I have spent probably ever weekend out or drinking with friends. Yes, I, Gabriela, the girl who frowned upon it and said I would never be one of those girls and that I used to laugh at parading downtown to go drink the night away have kinda become one. Now I don't want to play the blame game, but it started happening the moment I switched locations in the company I work for. Why? Well because I work on Granville street and Granville St at night is filled with bright lights and loud music so it's easy access on a Friday/Saturday night & Yaltown is just a train away. It may also just be a bit of a season, seeing as how it seems as though a majority of acquaintances are autumn babies so there has been birthday party after birthday party after birthday party...

 

At first they were small gatherings with people, then big outings with coworkers. Rather than starting off a sloppy mess and then learning my limit slowly, it kinda went backwards. This past Friday I became THAT girl the messy girl stumbling on the dance floor while her ex (thankfully being a gentleman) helped keep her balance (thank you) and I recall nearly touching the floor if it weren't for my best friend hoisting me up. I was an embarrassment and am disappointed in the fact that I even allowed myself to get to that point. I also became an angry girl full of rage cussing in Spanish while my poor friend tried to calm me down without telling me to calm down because we all know that would just send me to psycho Latina mode.

 

Now why on earth am I sharing this humiliating and shameful story for several strangers and friends to read and possibly even judge me based on one night of foolishness and complete and utter stupidity? Well because I own up to my mistakes and flaws, I'm not going to pretend it never happend or else how am I to learn from them? I'm doing it because I am aware and it's not something I should feel the need to enjoy doing. I feel the need to keep myself accountable and grounded. This is not who I want to become. This is not who I am. I'm not saying I'm never going to drink again or go out because then I would be setting myself up for failure. I enjoy getting dolled up and dancing the night away: I'm just not going to get to that level ever again. I'm going to enjoy a drink or two for socializing not for getting drunk. I never needed alcohol to have fun before I most certainly don't need it now.

 

 Dear friends reading this, hold me accountable because I sure don't want to turn into an alcoholic, especially since it runs on both sides of my family. Here's what y'all can do: if we pre-drink make sure I eat first, if you see that I'm already a bubbly-fun-dancing person and you see me walk to the bar just grab my hand or waist and pull me to the dance floor, thirdly don't tell me a guy I like is with another girl and if you see them together make sure I don't see it or all hell is gonna break loose.

 

 

There you have it. Nothing to boast about, no deep beautiful imagery, nothing I am madly and deeply swept up in lovely feelings with. This is simply the bad & ugly. Raw. No sugar coating. And no more. That was the first time and the last time. And it's going to be put to test this weekend and I know I will hold myself accountable. That's it.