why?

I honestly wish I could shut off my mind & hit refresh.

So frustrated and overwhelmed this is ridiculously annoying.

 How'd that thought take over my mind so rapidly?

All I've been thinking is: "What if you told him? HAH why would you do that?!

WHY? WHY? WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY? But what if? NO. shutupshutupshutup."

over and over and over again...

I need to get away and clear my mind and steer clear of all this. I know running away won't solve this but I'd sure be less awkward. Why did I have to realize this now? Gabs you're timing is so off it's so sad. I want to grab some tea and read a book but that reminds me of him. EFFFFFing thoughts get gone I really don't need this right now. I can't handle this.

Note to self: Freindship over relationship. I value our friendship to much I vow not to screw up and scare you off. But seriously, fuck.

Why?