Seriously Depp is the epitome of what I want in a man, annnnd moving along. I couldn't agree more with the quote, mind you in my situation exchange love for like/having strong feelings. BUT what if the second person was always there, hidden deep in the back of your mind in a box that was labelled "unattainable", and you planned on keeping any feelings for them far faaar away because you knew it just couldn't happen? Would that make them the first person because you've known them for so long but denied and ignored any idea of the slightest possibility to be together? Well my friends I am screwed. Someway, somehow the feeling sprang up on me out of nowhere, literally. I was up at my cabin a few a weeks ago and during one of the many times I was walking along a trail above the river (with my cousin who is also a nature lover) this idea popped right into my mind: "I can't wait to go for walks like this with _____. Our kids would be just like Caleb". HOLD UP, WHAT? 'our kids' We ain't even dating, he doesn't even know that I may have developed feelings for him, I'm pretty sure I've been fully friendzoned and that he sees me as his sister. Heck I certainly didn't plan on it, he's been my close friend for quite some time now the idea of dating him just seems like it would complicate things. efffffffff. WHY? Why did that thought have to drop into my mind, it's unleashed a wave of ideas and emotions and 'what ifs' and confusion and I feel like I'm drowning.
Yenno the saying "He's been right under your nose the whole time"? Well it's more like above my head and I've been looking down the whole time avoiding eye contact cause maybe I subconsciously knew I had feelings for him. It's like my mind made up all these excuses and reasons on why it wouldn't work and then it just ran out of ideas and stopped; it's left me dumbfounded and baffled and I honestly don't know what on earth to do because I'm still trying to grasp how these feelings hit me like a semi cruising down a highway. The more I think about him the more I fall for him and realize how ridiculously perfect we'd be and then I realize how we couldn't be because I'm completely friend zoned, Tom stood more of a chance with Summer than I do with him. It honestly blows and I wish so badly I could push those thoughts away but Pandora's box has been opened and I can't do anything about it but pray they disappear soon... I also wish that at this moment my life were a movie and I could run up to him and tell him what I feel and that he would reciprocate the same feelings and kiss me and then we'd live happily ever after. Unfortunately I feel as though it would be more like this:
Me: So, I like you...
Him: I like you too,
(I smile)
Him: You're like a sister to me.
(then my heart breaks but I keep smiling)
Me: awe sibling love.
& I continue to pretend like nothing happened and just lie about how I truly feel because I'm a coward. Also I couldn't bare to loose him again.
What do you do when you've finally realized you liked your best friend? This is so dumb. Why? He's always been there, always and I believe once upon a time ago he may have liked me but I was so oblivious; now the tables have turned, I guess I'll have to bare with it.
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