honest confusion

The fact that I`ve only been back in Alberta for 25 days, not even a month, and I have this terrible homesickness is beyond me. 

I`ve been here for nearly 5 months. Not once have I wanted to go home so bad. Yeah there was the occasional day that'd I'd miss Vancouver and all the people there and how easy it was to get from one place to another. But I`ve been back for 3 weeks and everyday my urge to go home gets stronger and stronger. The urge to cry becomes more frequent, and I`m not a crier.

I feel

I`m not entirely sure what it is I feel. I feel lost but only because I'm living with two lost souls. I feel stuck, but only because everyone in my office feels stuck there. I feel lonely, and that is saying quite a bit for someone who actually enjoys being alone in her room. 

I miss the fresh air of  mountain peaks, & the brisk breezes of the ocean shore. I miss catching the train and adventuring downtown to grab good authentic food. I miss the man who plays the fiddle at burrard. I miss human affection and interaction. I miss having real conversations. I miss postive people in my life instead of being that one positive person moments away from a breakdown. 

I miss too much. I miss my family, my friends, my church and my man.

I miss not crying frequently.

I really don't want to be here. I don't know how long I'm to be here for. I don't even know if I'm still supposed to stay. I don't know. I despise not knowing. 

Sorry for the downer. Prayers for clarity would be appreciated.