spewing out thoughts

hah, hmm. it's been a while. since i blogged of course but that's due the fact that i had moved, well half-moved since half my stuff was at the old place and the rest here in my new home. now i am overjoyed to say that i am officially moved out of that place. wooh :). no i didn't move out of my house, we just relocated. though at times i feel like packing my stuff and just leaving. so much so that i've contemplated on where, with a friend who already has a spare room? or a friend who's also feelin' so much stress and negativity in her house hold she wants to get gone too? and sometimes i've thought of moving to a whole different country and experience life the way i want. but then i stop myself from the ridiculous idea of leaving those i care for just cause of one person. one little problem in life that i blow out of proportion and exaggerate so much that i picture it as a giant. a behemoth stopping me. or perhaps she's just an excuse as to why i'm not doing what i want, because i truly don't know what i want? i suppose it's easier to put the blame on those that care for you, or be upset with them when there on your case about your life? i dunno. honestly i don't. maybe it's just the fact i'm growing up and refuse to? or i'm just beginning to believe what she tells me? or am i opening my eyes to my flaws? is it just a normal ma' and daughter conflict, that occurs when the eldest is moving on with her life and growing up? frick, i over think things too much to the point that i have no clue. my minds just gotta stop and let me breathe. no more thinking about comments, or situations that occurred in the past, even if it were a day or two ago. how am i to move forward if i focus on what's been said of me in the past. one things true, i need to grow up. need to figure out what do with mylife. 
stop quiting before i begin because i'm afraid of failing.

sorry just spewing out my thoughts like a broken water fountain.

"yeah you may be facing a huge giant in your life, but you gotta be like david and picture your goliath in god's eyes. and god is massive, i mean come on he created the world in his hands and he's got your back. that giant in his eyes is nothing."--kl