clearing my mind.

"He who enjoys true leisure has time to improve his soul's estate."

---Henry David Thoreau

i enjoy leisure, but have no time to enjoy it. so if i have no time to enjoy leisure, then where's the time to improve my soul's state? 

perhaps if i learned how to manage time better, rather than waste the days away doing absolutely nothing. but how can you manage, or control, something that you can not see or feel- only noticing it when it has already past you? i don't know if you can, but i certainly can not grasp the intagible hours, minutes, or those quick seconds in my hands, and direct them on what i need done. i'm only human, 

  a teenager to be precise. a somewhat- frightened-day-dreaming- adolescent.

 with fears: fear of failure, fear of wandering too far off, fear of opening up too much to the wrong person, fear of procrastination suffocating my dreams. but i have faith, so it seems, that dreams are tangible unlike time, and that i will soon be able to break out of this constricting mold and allow myself to express myself. to simply create, create artwork (with words, paint,or photographs), create my own life- a free,amazing, joyful life free from stress and pessimistic pollution. 

 i am not your toy ma', not your pretty little doll that you can dress up to show off to your friends just to showcase my appearance or brag about my obedience. i'm not your marionette that you can play with and control every aspect of my life. i am not an old raggedy anne that you can toss around or get rid of if you get tired of me. i am not made of plastic , cloth or porcelien, but flesh, and i need to breath, speak when i need to, and find out what to do with my life, just as you are figuring out what to do with yours. i need a little more freedom, and less discipline, for as you have said i'm not a bad kid, and you trust me. so why don't you show it? 

I need the free time,



I need to get away...