speak.

just got home from a great heart-to-heart tear filled honest talk with two of my bestfriends nicky & paula. and i first of want to say thank you both for being such amazing inspiring and real women i am beyond blessed to have you two as people i can trust with my life. thank you.

now this long but needed conversation(s) triggered something in my mind. not just the awakening of the situation im in right now, but the realization that we need to speak up in our lives. i suppose it's cause we've accustomed ourselves to being silent throughout our life. as a child i was taught to not speak up or raise my voice to my parents (in order to honour and respect them, makes sense taught me how to respect), as a preteen i was awkward and reserved only open to my close friends-still am reserved. as a youth you're taught your words, thoughts, opinions, views, ideas etc. are irrevelant. that what you have to say is of no value. so i've be silenced for a while but just never saw it. now that i am awake and realize what i have to say is  still just brushed to the side by people of "authority" let's say, it's not okay with me. nor should it be okay with anyone. i have a voice and opinions and they will be heard, whether you want to hear them or not. if you choose not to i will see it as ignorance and feel sorry for your closed mind set but be ready cause im ready to speak up. if you don't value me as a person with thoughts then how do you expect me to respect you. you not being one sole person, "you" being parents, 'friends', youth leaders. and i'm not the only one, others are coming to this realization. so you either listen without defending or talking down or i'm out. 

tired of being seen of little value. tired of being given mundane tasks as other chit-chat. tired of being told they see great potential in us as leaders but when we step up we get shoved back down to place. tired of hyporcrites. tired with a team lacking unity- being separated into a hierarchy of various groupings. if you want my opinion only to toss it in the trash don't even bother asking but if you actually want to hear what's on my mind then listen, soak it, & reply but don't speak to me like i'm a child.

it's time i let go of the fear of what one's response be, because not being heard is killing me. we are livid, it's time you come to realization. time for me to confront others, starting with my dad; once i tackle that you guys are next.

time for us to speak out. im not saying im going to be rude and have no filter. i'm a person who doesn't speak unless i feel i will add to the conversation, so when i speak i tend to choose my words wisely. i'm just not going to beat around the bush anymore and say all is fine or ok. if i see something wrong i will call you out, im ready to be shot down and i could care less at this point.